You're a Veteran all right...of pissing me off

+++warning, serious amounts of caps lock ahead. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED*+++

WTFUCK man, BoLS has let Mr. Footdar himself, Reece "I'm undefeated" Robbins, write for them AGAIN. Just get it over with and make him a permanent fixture of your site so I can stop reading it and move on with my life.

First go read this PILE OF SHIT if you haven't already done so. Then come back. I'll be waiting**.

Well that was painful. Reading that was about as much fun as sticking my dick into a nest full of angry hornets***.

Let's start at the beginning shall we. I've always found that to be a good place to start. Reece, your title has NOTHING to do with your article. Thank you for giving it the title that you did, though, it gave me a lot to go on in titling my own post.

God, I hope his introduction is better than his title. When I first learned about expository writing, I was told that your introduction should set up the key points you wish to make about your chosen topic (the topic usually being at least mentioned in the title)****. How does Recce's article start? By stating that he's a veteran of course. That's good, it syncs up nicely with his title. Now I'm sure that this article will have a point and be about why I should care that he is a self proclaimed veteran. Too bad that he offers nothing to further develop this declaration of extreme hubris. Instead he launches into his thoughts on adepticon and fails to explain why his "veteran" status has anything to do with that.

Also, while we're discussing the stylistics of expository writing, I feel honor bound to point out that a paragraph should generally consist of three or more sentences.

Reece, I'm afraid you're a little late to the Adepticon party. I stopped caring about what people had to say about the event about two days after it happened. Unless you've got lists or batreps that I haven't seen yet, I don't give two shits about what you've got to say. I've moved on to not caring about future events, like BoLScon. Here's every description that you'll find on this subject in two sentences: 'I've gone to lots of gaming events and found that adepticon was one of them. It was a very well run affair where I got to meet lots of people, participate in a several gaming events, and eat overpriced, stale nachos.' Thanks gaming community! Way to add value to my life. I am a little pissed that I didn't go there myself, but finances were looking a little grim at the time If only I'd known about the unholy magnitude of my tax return back then*****. I would have enjoyed going to play some games, have them filmed, get accused of cheating, get forced to wear a scarlet C on my chest, eat stale nachos, and spend money on gaming shit I don't need. Well maybe next year... maybe.

Reece goes on to pontificate on such important and insightful matters as- 'I enjoyed my hotel. It was fairly price and I could sleep there.' He also says that even though he missed the sign up deadline for the tournament he doesn't regret spending all the time and money to get there from California. Well bully for you and your ability to frivolously spend disposable income. In his defense though, he has a problem that I've got- a scattered gaming group. By attending Adepticon he was able to reconnect with some of them, which is nice. Almost makes my black heart turn all warm and fuzzy, with thoughts of the copious bro hugs and respeck knuckles being cast about.

To conclude his article about being a veteran- that is really just a report about his experiences at Adepticon- he writes about using his footdar in a friendly game- THAT HE FUCKING LOST. To a fucking DUAL LASH LIST, which hasn't been competitive since 2008ish. Let's see what the Omnipotent Mr. Robbins had to say about how he would fair against the lash a month ago:

Looks like he cracked when put under the lash (I couldn't resist). So in addition to disproving that you are undefeated, as you claimed while waving your dick around here, you also show that you got your ass handed to you by a marginal list that you theorized you'd have no problem with. Well met, good sir. Well I hope you at least learned something about why foot Eldar is a bad idea. Oh, you just blame your dice, nice. I'll be sure to check that off your sportsmanship scores then :)

Lash gets shut down by Eldrad, and isn't that big of a deal anyway when I
play it.

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*I said that last part loud so you know I'm for serious.
**Although I may go heat up some lunch, there is the left over Dum Aloo that I made last night to be had, after all- mmmmmm curry. Just YELL if I'm not back yet.
***Full disclosure: I have never done this. I will never make false claims about my accomplishments, unlike a certain editorial writer that may or may not be the subject of this post. Aww hell, why be coy about it, he is the subject.
****If remember way back, I think a hamburger was used as an analogy-USA USA USA. the buns are your intro and conclusion while the patty and fixins are the body of your work that are hinted at in the buns.
*****I don't want to brag about this, but it seriously helps me out. Most of you are aware that I don't have a job, after all. But getting a tax return that is over 3x bigger than expected is awesome. I can now pay my mortgage for another 7 months, with or without employment, although I am thinking about cashing it out for loose change and turning my guest bedroom into a Scrooge McDuck money pool.