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Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Today in real non-competitive gaming I ran across this post from igotsmeakebab!! on Bolter and Chainsword. In his thread entitled "In-your-face 1,850pt list, Wha Bam," he has an idea for a Blood Angels list that is so overflowing with epic fail that it just makes me want to vomit exorcist style all over my laptop.
I'm happy that he has that kebab, though. God knows he has nothing else going on. He's asking for a list critique, but just like most people looking for feedback on a forum, he's actually just trying to get his epeen sucked. Watch him shut down any constructive criticism that he's offered. Towards the end of the thread it looks like there may be a glimmer of him "getting it," but I don't think anybody has saved him from himself yet.  I'll give you a brief excerpt of the original post along with some criticism. Start your engines, it's snowmobiling time. Maybe one of you guys who belongs to the B&C should go help him out.


Reclusiarch ~and you are here because.....

Furioso Librarian, Lucius Pattern Dreadnought Drop Pod
Furioso Dreadnought (HvyFlmr,FrgCn), Drop Pod ~didn't occur to you that you might need a melta or two somewhere, huh?
Death Co. Dreadnought ~here it is folks, the first of two melta weapons in the list. Kebab, you know that fitting meltas into a BA list is super easy, right. Why are you making this so hard?
Death Co. x5 (ThndrHmmr), Razorback (HvyBltr,StrmBltr) ~it's hammer time, everybody look out for these guys who will be ludicrously easy to strand in the back of the table and have no shooting attacks at all. Or just ignore them, because they're useless, all riding around in a transport with a crap attack and whatnot.Scout Squad x5 (SnprRflx4,MsslLnchr,CmClks) ~wht hppnd t th vwls?

Fast Attack
Baal Predator (HvyBlterSpnsns)
Baal Predator (HvyBlterSpnsns,StrmBltr) ~'sup with all these stormbolters?

Heavy Support
Stormraven (TLAC,TLMM) ~oh hai, I hope you don't get shooted down on the furst turn. Nice try putting the TL multimelta on there, but that just makes it an even bigger targetVindicator (SgShld) ~OMG, ranged anti-armor fire, I was beginning to think that kebab didn't know this existed. Good thing he picked the worst fucking option he has.

Scouts sit on an objective. ~more like scouts cower in fear, hoping to cheat death
Mephy and the Death Co. Dread in the Stormraven. ~commence operation costly, obvious target. Initiate pointlessness sequenceEverything blitzes for the enemy line. ~everything is shot to deathPod(s) come down on their heads.

Hoping to have alot of units in close combat by turn two, basically swamping them other player with units. ~how are you planning on swamping them other player? You have 0 target saturation
Thoughts? ~hmmm, where to begin... You have basically no ranged antitank, MCs will eat you alive, the only means you have to take out vehicles is tank punching, Eldar will outmanoeuvre your "super scary" assault, you have 1 paper thin scoring unit, you wasted points on 2 HQs for no apparent reason, your uber assault seems to consist of 3 dreadnoughts and MC Hammer's backup dancers, hordes will rape you in the face, tanks will rape you in the face some more, you lack the firepower and assault strength to table an opponent, Mephiston is riding around by himself in an expensive and fragile transport, tying up your dreadnoughts in never ending CCs would gimp your army, and I feel like I could go on for another 20 or 30 lines, but I'll stop I'd considered trading the scouts for some Assault Marines in a pod to sit on an objective or help assault if it was KPs. A third pod would also let me drop both Dread pods on the first turn.

Sienna- Umm... you realise you have exactly 1 scoring unit right? ~I don't think he thought this one through to be perfectly honest. Kill the scouts in any objectives mission and its an auto tie.

I would trade in the DC dread and DC for an assault marine unit at least.

igotsmeakebab!!- In the event of an objective game, ~you realize that this happens 2/3 ofthe time, right? so that's like the most likely type of game for you to play I'd be going forthe Wipe Out! win... ~I think I need some more clarification of why you think you haveanywhere approaching enough firepower to table anything...oh that explains all those stormbolters or at least contesting their objective(s) while holding my own. ~unless your scouts are killed by- well- pretty much anything short of grots.  Aww fuck it, I quit, time to figue out if it's possible to get a Doner Kebab anywhere in Chicago, I'm hungry as fuck...


Hoagy said...

This guy overdid it on the onions on this particular list kebab, because IT STINKS!

Anonymous said...

Just pitiful... This is why I've been avoiding the forums.... But a fun read for the stupid factor.

John Laubersheimer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
John Laubersheimer said...

I deleted my comment because of a reading comprehension failure about Mephiston.

In any case, I'd bet there's nothing more satisfying than shooting down a third of his army in one fell swoop.

kennedy said...

Ohhohoho! A Spinal Tap reference! Excellent... Oh wait... there was something after that?

I don't know how you read the forums any more. I vaguely remember this one point at which they were helpful to me, but idiots like kebab-head predominate. Even the modelling and painting sub-forums on most sites have gone downhill, and that's saying a lot.

Regardless, I kinda wanna see someone play this shitpile of a list... Maybe against the guy at my local store who has been dubbed "failtau" because of his use of foot tau. Failtau might be able to beat this list.

Kirby said...

If he plays with one of these though...


Chumbalaya said...

ww epc fl

fckng stpd

SandWyrm said...

LL Chmb!

The_King_Elessar said...

That Raven is pretty sweet...

Dethtron said...

Yeah that storm raven is about the only sweet thing about this whole post :) beats the shit out of the conversion that the manager of my local GW store was trying to "show off" when I was trying to hide from red shirts, get my paint, and leave. seriously it looked like it was put together by kindergarteners

Anonymous said...

wtf is with all of the MC Hammer references at the mo?

Well it's nice to see TKE contributing to the hallowed halls of BnC.

F*ck all troops FTW!

The_King_Elessar said...

Oh yeah, I forgot I commented...*Goes to see how badly I got flamed...*

Pilig: Slang word for 'person who pillages'

The CPT said...

Well, kudos to the Storm Raven for at least not looking like a fucking land raider with wings, but it still looks retarded.

All I could think was "Dustbuster Galactica" <-- If you get the reference, you sir/ma'am are awesome.

Dethtron said...

CPT: I thought it looked more like the Southern Sun <--- if you get that, there is no hope left for you :(

Anonymous said...

That's amazing. A list even a Necron can table in 3 turns. I guess "in your face" means "here's a list you'll be able to eat for breakfast unless you're just as stupid"