" a piss ant blog" -Rikimaru

"Dethtron, you are...an asshole" - 38% of Dick Move Readers

" I probably won't read unless I'm bored as shit at work" - A. Hack

"I cannot bring myself to actually read this drivel"- anonymous

"pox riddled post coital stain of a blog"- anonymous

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Project Mayhem, Half-assed Baseball Metaphors, and Dethtron Probably Makes Fun of Your Country

Where to begin?

I was really excited about starting project mayhem a few weeks ago.  I really thought that it was going to be a smash hit and rival FNIF for ill-conceived things I've done that randomly turn out to be popular.  How wrong I was.

To begin with here's a quick primer on baseball so that you understand what's about to happen.  This is for those of you who live in not-America ad are as confused by baseball as I am by Cricket or that weird Aussie bowling type thing with the rubber disks or whatever the hell dumb ass sport you guys are playing in foreign right now.  In baseball when a batter is up and misses the bass, hits the ball out of bounds, or fails to swing at a "good" pitch he receives a strike.  3 strikes and you're out.  3 outs and your team's turn (inning) is over.  Easy enough?  Biblical, numerological significance?  Meh, who the fuck cares.

Strike 1
Project mayhem is conceived.  I send out a call for people to pose as existing BoLS contributors and apply to be a writer.  Nobody submits anything.  Turns out the application process was closed shortly after I put a hit out on BoLS.

Strike 2
I ask for people to go fuck with Zingbaby in a forum comments thread or to make up the best untrue boast they can think of to support their "credentials" in a forum.  Nothing is submitted.

Strike 3
I make one last attempt to find a foothold for the experiment, by punking project mayhem.  I asked everybody to use "boner" as a punctuation mark on Blood of Kittens.  Lots of you did and it was funny as shit, but that wasn't my aim.  I quickly removed the actual project mayhem post and pretended to be confused by what was going on.

What was supposed to look like this:

...actually turned into THIS!

So where does that leave us?  3 strikes it's out?  Do I have another at bat?  Do we all get hot dogs and nachos?


Brent said...

I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.

Much like adolescence, I'll settle for a bit of both.

Lauby said...

see, the thing is, Dethtron, that we all come here to see you do all the work.

Chumbalaya said...

Lauby's got it, building a subversive counter-culture is fun, up until it involves me having to do stuff beyond point, laugh and insert the occasional boner wherever it is needed.

Brother Loring said...

I feel like a cheap whore!

Anybody fancy a used BroLo? $5 on a street corner near you!

Damon said...

If I was any good at this, I'd have my own blog and be sleeping on top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.

But I don't, so like everybody else here, I have to settle for you, instead.

I try not to think about what that says about me (us).

The_King_Elessar said...

I didn't feel I needed to submit my idle boasts when you were in the same comment threads... I felt it superfluous. Most every post of mine on Lauby's Blog last week was a Mayhem-er. :(

I also hit 4 or 5 others, but I forget what and where...In fact, I'm pretty sure I put one on Mind War!

Tinkling Koala said...

I'm pretty sure the BoLS thing, appropriately enough, counts as a ball. By the time I'd read your original call to arms and got good and drunk they'd already closed applications. I have the sneaking suspicion they closed it just because of you.

k.Blas said...

And here I thought this post was about jerking off to take me out to the ball game.

Messanger of Death said...

Does this mean I will be the only Project Mayhem Hero? Oh yeah! Suck my *censored* boner


Hoagy said...


i'm shocked and appalled that you did not include 'welly wanging' in your list of unusual sports that no one can get their head around.


SandWyrm said...

Lauby's got it. We come here to watch YOU nerdrage. :P