" a piss ant blog" -Rikimaru

"Dethtron, you are...an asshole" - 38% of Dick Move Readers

" I probably won't read unless I'm bored as shit at work" - A. Hack

"I cannot bring myself to actually read this drivel"- anonymous

"pox riddled post coital stain of a blog"- anonymous

Friday, August 13, 2010

Friday Night Internet Fight, Round 24

Woohoo, it's Friday again; you're sick of seeing everybody's Nova Open musings but looking forward to the event coverage and looking to blow off some steam.  Well welcome aboard the pain train that is FNIF.

Seriously though, with the Internet being back to business as normal after finally decompressing after Warbolsgamescomiccon, I was spoiled for choice as to what to write about this week.  Rules arguments were everywhere, true line of site caused the sky to fall in on us, and the drama surrounding the Nova Open preceded the event itself.  Which is precisely why we're going to look at a fight about a fucking video game.  yeehaw!

Late last night BoLS put up THQ: Sneak Peak: Space Marine (videos), a title with more colons than you can shake an enema at.  Can you shake an enema?  Regardless, I watched the videos last night only to immediately sport a serious chub.  Now when I say I watched the videos, I mean I skipped over the seemingly boring interview that I couldn't hear on my laptop right to the gameplay videos.  There's probably nothing actually wrong with the videos, but my TV was on at the time and if I'm not watching 4 TVs Elvis style while reading a book, surfing the net, and working on a cure for cancer, then I'm not really living.  Then, I moved on with life, finished up the novel I was reading and went to bed.  I woke up in the early morning to my phone flashing with an e-mail from Internet sensation, Brent, telling me to go check out the comments on that post, which I hadn't done.  Assuming it would just be a bunch of jackasses saying 'hurr durr, I like video games, this video game looks good, something about gameplay, blah blah,' I had skipped the comments entirely.  Shattering the illusions I had about what would happen in the comments, what follows is what really happend on BoLS.

As always none of the avatars have been changed to protect the innocent, but their avatars have been for my own amusement.  There will be a brief poll at the upper right of your screen following the fight.  Go there and support who or whatever you thought won the fight.  Let the snowmobiling commence.

Vossl- Is this a joke? The few seconds of gameplay footage at the end of each clip are very disappointing (or would be, if I expected much from yet another computer game attempt at the 40K universe) ~well disappointing if you don't think explosions and shooting storm boyz out of the sky looks awesome. The art for the Space Marine is nice enough, but its clearly just a reskinned generic shooter with little connection to the 40K universe. ~except all that 40k stuff in there...and the British accents.  In the grim dark future there is only Great Britain!

Bolters aren't machine guns, space marines don't ride crashing valkyries like orlando bloom rides mumaks, ~yeah, everybody knows they ride them like I rode your mom last night- in the ass!  and orks don't die in their 1000s to a single marine, particularly not with head-stomping boot attacks (which is apparently a generic thing that happens often during game play). ~little known fact: curb stopping is the preferred method of Ork teeth extraction

Molochi- Uh. Bolters are automatic weapons. Space Marines do epic sh*t all the time. And orks die in the 1000s to EVERYONE. Read the goddamn fluff.  ~derp

And regardless of how much of an Ork fanboy you are, bare skull versus 800 pound adamantium curbstomp is not a win for unarmoured head. Ever. ~probably not the right time to talk about physics, but I bet if the angle were just right, you could still bounce that boot off the skull

Chuck777- Why don't you try and read the post before you respond? ~only if you try not to be a fucking douche when you respond

He said "orks don't die in their 1000s to a single marine". Orks do not die in the thousands to a single Marine, to an small contingent of Marines yes but not to a single marine.

Molochi- His post doesn't make sense. The video doesn't show thousands of orks dying to a single marine.~listen buddy, facts and logic will get you nowhere in this game And if you had read the article, you would know there's more than one marine anyways. So really, maybe you shouldn't be commenting on an article you're completely ignorant of, eh?

Chuck777- I'm just responding to what he said silly~silly?  that's the best you can do?  really?  you fop. He's obviously getting an incomplete picture of the game. Regardless, there's no point in arguing over such a minor detail.

Molochi- Why are you still replying, then? ~and molochi takes being a dickhead troll to the next level.

Tynskel- What R U talking about.

Space Marines don't always fight as a squad. There are many times where they will be used as Leaders Among Men. It is quite plausible that a Space Marine would ride a Valkyrie and survive the crash 'in style'.

Second, have you read anything about Bolters? They spray rounds like crazy. hey say it, don't spray it, guy

Third, Have you even read the stories in your codex--- I am not even talking about the books, but just the codex. Captain Sicarius defending Black Reach? 1000's upon 1000's upon 1000's orks were killed by a company of marines. ~so like more than 3,000 orks then?

Iandaredh- Bolters do not 'spray' nor do they use normal 'rounds'. Bolters shoot bursts of 3 bolts. Bolt being .75 caliber usually loaded with explosives. ~nerd out much? From what I see in those vids, in this game, bolter is basically some kind of stupid autogun. ~you're a stupid autogun

Tiger667- Well... A Boltgun has Rapid Fire. Which means, basicly, that it fires its ammo in rapid succession. Hence the term Rapid Fire.

Owned. ~you were doing so well up until you said that, but I'm sorry to say that this has disqualified you from further participation in this FNIF.  Better luck next time

Chuck777- Don't forget that each bolt is a tiny rocket in-and-of itself. :)~ right, because that's super important and germane to the situation at hand

Definitely not, as you said, your bog standard assault rifle.

Neil- Yeah... the bolters' rate of fire should be much slower. The bolters have always been treated with utmost reverence by the space marine chapters and are not just a machine gun. ~not to get dragged down to their level, but what the fuck does rate of fire have to do with reverence?

I wish THQ would make the game at least a little more tactical and hard hitting, instead of making it "Smash TV." ~actually, I think the world needs more smash TV style games

bushidoredpanda- Then let us be thankful they didn't make it for you.

I think the spectacle is what is going to sell it to the audience that doesn't want another boring rts. ~here here

Neil- No, they actually made it for your mom. ~oh snap!

From what I've seen of the game so far it seems like a mindless brawler where one guy mows through endless enemies without any tactics, or strategy. ~you had me at "mindless brawler" You might as well play Gaunltet, Double Dragon, or any of the more modern games like that.

I'm not saying to make the game a RTS, but to make it at least have SOME strategy in it. ~I'm super glad that your first hand experience with this game has led you to this conclusion.  Oh you don't have any experience with it?  sit down and shut up!

Hell, even Halo forces you to use some strategy and tactics when you ramp up the difficulty. The new Halo Reach is pretty much just a hair shade different from 40k now.

fuzzbuket- wait from playing halo reach loads and the most of halo 3 and MW2 it seems like you must be sniffing too much candy, ~nose candy?  booger sugar?

halo has ZERO tactics, MW2 only has point shoot, dragon rising has minor tactics and sadly the new ghost recon has forrgoten about tactics and now thinks all about "COVER,shootCOVER,shoot"
(and when the original ghost recon NEEDED a little tactics)
starcraft and SC2 require tactis FPs require a twichy finger.

mashing the shoot button and left stick as fast as you can is diffrent from building armys and planning meticiously the destruction of your foes!

(and no choosing between sniping the flood and using a grav hammer isnt tactics and the best tactics halo has is co ordinting a strike.) ~not only is everything you say earth-shatteringly boring, but your grasp of English composition is attrocious

Alligatorb8- If there's not multiplayer Ima hit a baby ~shit, everybody run, he's off his meds again

Chuck777- They would be fools to not have Multiplayer. ~deep insights man.  I'll be musing this over in my head for weeks to come

Molochi- Uh. Watch the video. They go past the "Multiplayer testing station." Noob. ~that's very observant and surly of you

Chuck777- Noob, really? I'm responding to a post stating a fact - it WOULD be foolish not to include multiplayer. ~you responded to a post stating an OPINION.  There's a difference.  For example- fact: Chuck777 is a jackoff; opinion: Chuck777 is a jackoff No where did I say they were not including it.

Don't be such a troll, scrub. ~and don't go chasing waterfalls, nutsack

Molochi- You SHOULD have responded with "Alligatorb8, if you had watched the video, like I did, so I could make an informed comment, you would know there IS in fact multiplayer. You noob."

The only trolls I see are people who are commenting on a article they didn't read past the headline. ~I'd like to interview you to figure out what it's like to live in a mirror free land

Chuck777- Of course there's multiplayer, it's just another shooter. They'd be fools not to include multiplayer. ~crap I forgot, saying the same thing twice DOES make it valid

Alligatorb8- just because they passed the "Multiplayer testing station" doesn't mean they'll actually put it in the game. ~Yeah, I'm sure that they just wanted to throw a little cash to play test something they weren't planning on implementing in the game however, they will have multiplayer (at least, knowing relic and it's latest outing, i'm hoping it will be good), i was simply expressing what would happen to some random kid of the street if they turned mentally retarded. :) ~what.  the.  fuck.

Molochi- Gosh. It's a good thing that we're not speculating about indepth
gameplay while the game is still in development and we don't know anything about it aside from a few snippets of video ~I'd congratulate you on that dig if you weren't doing so much speculation yourself

vkrpsv- man, why don't they make "Warhammer 40k: Sister of Battle" instead? ~first, what's up with threadjacking everything to talk about an army that, supposedly, nobody plays?  second, I'm not sure I like where this is headed...

Molochi- Because no one would buy it. ~fuck man, I'm really curious to see how you'll do in the polls.  I personally both love you and hate you

Trevy the Great-  Unless there were nudie scenes. I would buy it then. ~ughhhh, not even worth making fun of you as I'm sure you're having a hard enough time with life. 

Col. Straken- Unless it was fighting Slaaneshi worshipers!

now that would be a fun game "Warhammer 40k: Slaaneshi edition" ~and it looks like we're not getting any closer to getting back on track.  All it took to derail this thread was for somebody to get a bunch of virgin nerds thinking about naked boobs...

Molochi- More like "Warhammer 40k: Tentacle Hentai!" ~and I'm done, I can't do this anymore, we've strayed too far from the path...


Brent said...

Yes, I admit it! Despite intense bouts of paranoia where I become convinced Dethtron is out to get me, Project Mayhem style, and I become forced to defend myself by snapping screen pics of damn near everything, convinced it's proof the Cyber Police will need in their investigation...

...I send in threads I think will make great FNIF.

Just doing my part!

Zheilt said...

Haha, this one was quite entertaining.

My favorite part is how what started out a simple trolling argument became an almost-friendly discussion about 40k porn video games at the merest mention of TEH B00BZ. I think Trevy has to get my vote this week for bringing these erstwhile opponents together in a moment of mutual friendliness.

DFM said...

I quit reading at the TLC reference...

Alex said...

I used to work with one those slaanesh-obsessed-tentacle-porn-fiends at GW store. I did not understand that then, I do not understand it now.

Herald of Nurgle said...

Ah FFS I keep missing all of the FN action...

Go Team Brent! Wait, Brent isn't there that much? Fuck that guy, he was a douche anyway.

Stormy said...

I'm shocked that the Termagant Melissia didn't congeal together to pass comment at the mention of the words 'Sisters', 'of' and 'Battle' in the same sentence.

Shh, if you listen closely you can hear the rustle of bushes. She comes...

'I did not understand that then, I do not understand it now.'
If Japanese society weren't so fucking repressive their young men might be bettter able to express themselves than through this passive-aggressive crazy.

fester said...

I would just like to bring to the party the following YouTube video I just found (seriously should be Dethtron's Mission statement)

Von said...

Noob! Scrub! Genre elitism! Someone should make a drinking game for these things.

Katie Drake said...

I think Melissa was probably banned from this particular site, hence not participating in the conversation. It's about the only way to stop her.

Dethtron said...

"Someone should make a drinking game for these things"

I already did, it's called writing FNIF

@Katie, Melissia is deffinitely not banned from BoLS, but I have it on good authority she's not welcome several other places. Fuck, BoLS has actually let her write at least 2 articles that I'm aware of.

Messanger of Death said...

More like "Warhammer 40k: Tentacle Hentai!"

... gets my vote just for that. We go from video game to SoB to Slaanesh to porn. Gotta love the stupidity of BoLS discussions.


The_King_Elessar said...

A very good (if confusing) FNIF there. I am still torn over my vote (I'm all outta faith, this is how I'm feelin, I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor)

I'm so tempted to vote for BRP, what do I do?!?

Messanger of Death said...

@ TKE - box all your miniatures up and send them to me. Will solve all your problems. I promise...


Anonymous said...

On a completely random note:
Dethtron, you really should add stelek's comment about Dick Move in his Nova interview to the the quotes at the top of the blog

Hoagy said...

@Stormy - fucking LOL! Hilarity abounded in my cube upon reading your comment.

I got excited about this new game, and eagerly await it. That being said, I wanted to punch myself in the dick reading the comments.

Kudos for a snowmobiling job well done, Mistah Dethtron.

Gx1080 said...

Trevy the Great gets my vote.

Now that's a thread derailed.