" a piss ant blog" -Rikimaru

"Dethtron, you are...an asshole" - 38% of Dick Move Readers

" I probably won't read unless I'm bored as shit at work" - A. Hack

"I cannot bring myself to actually read this drivel"- anonymous

"pox riddled post coital stain of a blog"- anonymous

Friday, September 17, 2010

Friday Night Internet Fight: Round 29

In this week's fight, two men enter and one cup leaves.  Wait, I think that's another thing entirely.  Back to the thunderdome!  In truth, though, this week's fight only involves 2 people for the first time I can recall.  This is a huge first for us here and a great feat considering the fight is from BoLS. 

After writing up a fine review of the Soulgrinder one of the fine people sheeple who use BoLS decided to jump all over Brent's shit for no reason.  Or maybe because he's a humorless prick.  I won't speculate further here.  Fear not Chaos Gerbil, that thing you sent me will still get a write up and should be showing up on BoK in the next few days.  Check the HoP blog roll to see when it goes live.

As ever, none of the names have been changed to protect the innocent (and one of them is even a real live real person name), but their avatars have been for my own amusement.  Be sure to vote in the poll after the fight; an old friend will be returning this week- don't miss out on the fun.  Since there are only 2 participants this week, and the fight was contained in a single thread (so far, I have a feeling this saga isn't quite over), I didn't have to rearrange anything.  So, for the first time ever you're getting a fight that I didn't have to edit in any way- a director's cut if you will.  Enough of that though, I'll talk about that in the making of documentary and commentary track that follow*.

I'll cut the ranting off there.  Read on for a fight that I, in my best Don King voice am officially dubbing "the faux hawk vs. the cult of personality."

Warboss_Stalin- ~and wow, I'm vaguely offended already.  Way to take a polarizing name, asshat Can you highlight the 'Crunch' ~you know nothing of the crunch so we can skip the 'fluff' (AKA Bad Jokes)? Thanks.

Brent- Nope, probably not.  ~a strong start, no buckling to pressure, will he quite while he's ahead?  Nope, probably not

I'd write them even if I was the only person who thought it was funny. 

But I'm not, so lighten up already!

Sorry you don't like my humor, but I'm writing 'Brent' ~please tell me that's not the title of your novel - I couldn't change if I tried
Warboss_Stalin- You know, if it actually WAS funny, maybe I wouldn't mind. ~looks like we can officially add humorless to the list of adjectives describing what a useless prick Warboss is
Brent- I don't mind that you don't mind.  ~but Brent, he said that he minds that you're not funny, so what you wrote makes no sense.  well played

If you can't see past it all, vote with your mouse. ~how many votes do I get if I use a mouse and the identities of `14 recently deceased elderly to vote? Don't read any article I write.

Frankly, I'm tired of hearing writing advice from some dude who thought 'Warboss Stalin' was a clever idea. ~if you thought that was clever, just wait until my secret identity's alter ego's alter ego hits the scene- Adolf_Fitler

Warboss_Stalin- That's because your too stupid to realize he has a famous quote that fits ork combat tactics perfectly. ~and YOU'RE too stupid to realize that the quote in question is pretty fucking offensive in light of the historical context.
Brent- So, I'm 5 minutes home from school only to see this gem in my box.


Could it be, I don't know, "One death is a tragedy - a million is a statistic?" ~oh shit and there I was thinking it was "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few"

That's what you think is so clever you choose to emulate it as your choice of nickname? It's famous because of the sheer horror of 20 million plus dead boys. ~oh, now I see the humor

A generation dead. That was a start.

An Ork horde in a game is fantasy - in real life it's a nightmare.

Puppy.~the fuck? Don't memorize one quote and call yourself an intellectual. ~you missed a perfect opportunity to quote something/someone else, perhaps changing it in a way as to be snappy.  Here I'll go.  "All the world's a stage and you should be on the next one out of town" -W. Shakesbeer*

By the way, what you're looking for is 'you're' - as in the contraction, 'you are.' You've had half an hour to catch that mistake before I came along and called you on it.

That's funny. ~see if I can make the strictly average quote wall again.... When calling someone an idiot, it's generally best to avoid making grammatical mistakes

Warboss_Stalin- Cute, but no. How about "Quantity has a quality all of its own." ~fuck man, that's not even like the 50th quote that comes to mind when somebody mentions Stalin.  I'm glad you get it and think it's clever though.  How's that working out for you?  Being clever... oh, you're a smug asshole.  Well good luck with that Even in your replies you go off on tangents, assuming you know something about my intellect.   ~you set the precedent for assumptions when you ASSUMED that Brent didn't know anything about Stalin, I think he proved you wrong as shit on that front If you can't handle criticism about your pathetic writing skills (or was that a pathetic attempt at satirical writing?), don't post anything at all. ~if you can't handle criticisms about how your screen name makes you sound like an asshole, fuck off and die

Brent- Mine fits at least as well as yours.

We're back to square one; if you don't like my articles, don't read 'em. If enough people don't read 'em, Big Red will drop me. ~does he provide you with safety gear before he drops you?

Start a club ~brutal dictators only.  No girls allowed. Have a day.
*none of these things do or will exist


Thud said...

"Warboss_Stalin- You know, if it actually WAS funny, maybe I wouldn't mind. ~looks like we can officially add humorless to the list of adjectives describing what a useless prick Warboss is "

I can't believe you didn't point out the grammatical error, Dethtron! He even put it in caps for you!

SandWyrm said...

Sigh. I'm reminded of a certain scene from 'Good Will Hunting'.

That stupid Stalin quote has only been used on BoLS something like 500 times in the last year. It's not exactly obscure or anything.

How about this one?

"The writer is the engineer of the human soul."

My soul's feeling let down about now.

The Antipope said...

I have to admit, reading these posts is my guilty pleasure. Entertaining as it is, the Internet oozes so much meaniness that I think it actually affects me. Every time I read a FNIF I think I become a slightly worse person. I didn't even bring water to my sick wife so I could read the article for the love of baby Jesus!
Anyway, Warboss Stalin is worse than my other nickname: Commissar McCarthy.

Anonymous said...

Since you and Brent BOTH decided to snowball this simultaneously, I will repost my NOT FUNNY RAWR comments, explaingin my vote:

- Smart (Above average)
- Probably smells good (Above average for gamers)
- Puts insensitive trolls in their place
- Good blog (Above average)
- Found attractive by rampaging man-bear-pigs
- A walking encyclopedia of useless factoids about medieval battles

Not Brent:
- Rude to Jedis
- Dabbles in Fauxhawks
- Doesn't link to my blog
- Has exactly 145 followers
- Doesn't highlight the "Crunch" / stays soggy in milk
- Irritated but not offensive
- Can’t handle criticism about his pathetic writing skills
- Too stupid to realize some douche likes a particular Stalin quote that fits ork combat tactics perfectly.

Not Brent wins!

Brent said...

Oh man - talk about a kick to the stomach.

It's like that time my mom caught me masturbating. What's there to say?

It was poor behavior, but his name irked me. I wrote it up over on Blood of Kittens. I had no idea you were using this for FNIF until I saw CG refer to it.

I clicked the link hoping like hell he was wrong!

Okay, I'm putting it away...

Dethtron said...

Brent, you'll notice I didn't lay into you much. Sometimes fighting is just. if you're on the side of good.

also, you're currently dominating the polls like a motherfucker

CounterFett said...

Voted for Brent.
A) His screen name is a real person, who I think is clever and not an idiot. Sadly, those things are rarities.

B) Chaosgerbil tells me he smells nice. Again sad and rare.

C) Voting against someone named Stalin Feels Right.

Anonymous said...

He only smells nice if you like the stench of motor oil and whiskey, Counterfett.

Carlos said...

As Brent personal portraitist I have to go with him. I kind of feel bad for Uncle Joey. Just because he made a poor choice of who he looks up to doesn't make him an ass. He is a man that needs a hug. A big, strong, burly, Russian man hug and he chose Uncle Joey just highlights the fact that he want to go on a mustache ride.

DFM said...

@CG just like grandma used to smell.

Claws and Fists said...

Snowballed references to The Mighty Boosh, The Wrath of Khan and Fight Club. Sir, I have just put on a cap so that I can doff it for you.

Katie Drake said...

Orks are jerks. Stalin was a jerk. It's a match made in heaven (hell?).

thebaldwin said...

It's like that time my mom caught me masturbating. What's there to say? - Brent

1. "Shh be quiet don't wake up dad"
2. "Impressed much?"
3. "Don't worry I learned this from Father O'Houlihan".
4. "It's either this or a hooker, make up your mind."
5. "I could use a hand..."
6. "Do you have a tissue in your purse?"
7. "Dance for me, no no, slower"
8. "Call Guiness I'm going for the record"
9. "aaaannnndddd scene..."
10. "Can you turn around and walk out slowly"
11. "Was I adopted?"
12. "Don't worry I am thinking about girls...mostly"
13. "Can I borrow your sweater?"
14. "Does that skirt stain?"
15. "You're right, I should probably go inside."
16. "And boom goes the dynamite."

Brent said...

I'm stealing that!

Gx1080 said...

"Quantity has a quality all of its own."

Thought that it was a quote for IG.

I'm not going in the "offended" bus, since I've seen too much on the Internet to care, but the irony of somebody that chooses "Warboss_Stalin" as his nickname complaining about something not being funny is glaring.

thebaldwin said...

Damn it joke ruined by bad editing, the perverbial money shot tying this all together was not in the post.

Finally the 17th things to tell your mom when she catches you is...

"Quantity has a quality all of its own

Brent said...

You're right Baldwin - that line changes it from really funny to comic genius!

Good stuff.

And I am stealing it! Details later. :)

Da Warboss said...

Sweep the leg, Johnny. Anyway, Brent's articles are as bad as his Battle Reps on youtube. So our slap fest goes back a few months. Just ask Zatoichiblindsword...oops...that's me.